Narcissist tactics to get you back after a breakup

You are well aware of how tough it is to end a relationship with a narcissist if you have ever dated one. Even after they’ve dragged you through more degrees of emotional agony than you could ever imagine, those charming, cunning bastards seem to know just which buttons to press to make you feel guilty for giving up on your union.

But you can escape, particularly if you know the main strategies narcissists will employ to try to retain you in their lives. If you recognize this conduct, you can neutralize it, avoid it, and permanently banish the offender from your life. Knowledge is power.

6 narcissist tactics to get you back

  1. Can we just be friends for now?
  2. Sporadic Reinforcement
  3. Change Promisings
  4. Hoovering
  5. I need assistance; save me!
  6. Defamation campaigns

Can we just be friends for now?


They either openly confessed to having an affair and then departed, claiming they were in love with someone else, or they were unfaithful and you found out. You were given all the justifications as to why you could never make a good spouse for them. They returned a few months, weeks, or even days later with a heartbreaking tale about how they were powerless to make a decision, how they erred, and how they didn’t want to live without you. He or she turns to face you in the midst of the conversation, gives you a thoughtful look, and says, “I know we can’t be together, but I really care about you and don’t want to lose you entirely. Can we simply get along?
Reality: For the narcissist, saying “let’s be friends” means “let’s be friends with benefits.”

See also: Narcissist behaviour patterns to watch out for


Avoid being duped by the “let’s be friends” ruse. By doing this, you will arrive at La La Land, where you will have to put up with their various sex partners, disappearing acts, and monthly trips to the doctor to make sure you haven’t picked up an STD for months, if not years. It’s simple to believe the narcissist when they appear to be second-guessing the situation when, in reality, they have understood that someone else will eventually try to capture your affection and that most definitely won’t happen if the narcissist has anything to do with it!


Considering how “admired” they must be to be able to retain connections with former partners, it’s also a fantastic front for their public image. “Yeah, I just stayed friends with her because I felt terrible for her, even though she’s telling everyone how abusive I am,” goes their chorus line during the smear campaign. There you have it—the Good Samaritan at work!

Narcissist tactics to get you back

Sporadic Reinforcement

Do you recall how lovely your relationship was in the beginning? Before everything turned bad? When you were their sun, their stars, and their world. Before they become upset by everything you did? A narcissist will use those memories as a hook to entice you back.

Imagine a dog who receives a kick from its owner 95% of the time, but gets cuddles, treats, and love the other 5% of the time. The dog will put up with the kicking because it remembers how lovely it was to experience genuine love. Similarly to how a narcissist will treat you poorly most of the time, they may occasionally look at you adoringly and think, “I really don’t deserve someone as amazing as you.”

Change Promisings


Someone, you once dated but have thankfully been away from for some time suddenly emails or texts you to say they’re going to treatment.
They are aware that they require assistance. They wish to alter. They are doing this, and one of their goals is to make up for how poorly they treated you.
They just poked at that tender part in your heart where you’ve always hoped (prayed, fantasized) that they would awaken to their potential and be the person you always knew they could be. You did care deeply about this person (and perhaps still do), so there go your heartstrings.

They utilize this hook because they are fully aware of its potential for success. Although it is a load of crap, it is a darn fine persuasion technique since it appeals to your sympathy and empathy. This method works best if you have poor self-esteem since the small acts of kindness act as an oasis of hope amid an otherwise hopeless wasteland of crap.

Remember the overwhelming ugly that occurs the majority of the time, and if and when those ephemeral moments occur, remind yourself of how terribly people treat you. If you need to, print up offensive text messages and emails and place them on your wall for constant reminders.

See also: Narcissist breadcrumbing: Why do narcissists like throwing you breadcrumbs?

Hoovering

Say you were able to end your relationship with your narcissistic ex. You’ve continued your radio-quiet and begun to rebuild your life. they suddenly get back in touch with you with a message that just punches you in the gut.
Perhaps they received word that your parent passed away and texted you to express their sorrow. It’s also possible that they leave you a tear-stained note attached to your door in which they express their brokenness and apologize profusely for messing up their relationship with you because you were the only good thing that had ever happened to them.

This hook serves the same purpose as a normal vacuum cleaner: to draw you back into their web. They are aware of your weaknesses if you’ve been vulnerable to them. They are aware of what makes you tick and, like a skilled assassin, know where to strike to accomplish their goal, which in this case is to win you back somehow.

I need assistance; save me!


When the subject of your prior affections is unexpectedly in danger, it is another hook that will stab into your marrow and drag you back in. Perhaps they need your help to get out of their allegedly abusive new relationship or protection from it. They might have overdosed on drugs, been arrested, or been in some other terrible scenario, and omg you’re the only one in the world they can rely on when they’re in that kind of trouble, so please, please help…please.

Effectiveness, huh? You’ve basically screwed either way since if you try to help them, you’ll get sucked back into their dark vortex of evil and the cycle will start over again. If you don’t assist them, you’ll feel like the world’s most heartless person for rejecting them after they called out to you in a time of need (they MUST genuinely love you!). Furthermore, you can end up having to deal with them if you don’t assist them when and if they cast their fishing line out to reel you back in.

Narcissist tactics to get you back

Defamation campaigns

Some people decide to rekindle their relationship with a narcissistic partner in an effort to dispel the narcissist’s portrayal of them as a horrible, abusive charlatan after a breakup. You will appear to be the worst person on earth if your narcissistic ex has spoken to people in your social circle and told them horror stories about how you were nasty to them before abandoning them. You might find yourself frozen out of people’s life or killed by total strangers for deeds you either didn’t commit or committed out of self-preservation.

In this circumstance, you can really be the one who tries to re-form a relationship with the narcissist to modify the idea that you’re a dreadful human being. When you called them out on their abuse, you might find yourself apologizing to them for making them feel bad. If you dare to leave their gaslighting and neglect, you can grovel and request another opportunity.

See also: Signs that you are dating a narcissist boyfriend

The cycle will restart if they decide you are deserving enough to be given the honor of being allowed back into their lives. What fun would that be? It’s crucial to keep in mind that narcissists are who they are because they are in pain when dealing with them. They have suffered serious inside harm, which is the cause of their defective conduct. It’s uncommon that a narcissist can change, but you can be damned confident that they’ll injure most of the individuals they allow near to them.

It’s alright if you love a narcissist because you’re compassionate and possibly sympathetic and have sought to support someone who is obviously suffering. But before you become even more wounded than they are, you need to love yourself more and leave immediately.

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