Sometimes, you might wonder who a narcissist marries, or the type of woman or man he or she ends up with. A narcissist marries someone that would help them to explore their narcissistic behavior as long as they desire. They find a potential partner in someone who is of low self-esteem, weaker, less intelligent, or underconfident.
People who are very empathic, easily manipulated, have low self-esteem, and who can belittle others to feel better about themselves, as well as people who, over time, tend to notice that the victim doesn’t have many friends or family members or other people they can turn to for help, tend to make the victim feel trapped, unworthy, and dependent on them, which only serves to further their destruction.
The person they marry is the one who gets duped and doesn’t realize it before they arrive. A person who is knowledgeable about NPD, who can see it through observation, who understands what to look for, and who is familiar with these abusers’ tendencies has the best chance of avoiding falling for it. In most situations, the poor one who is clueless and falls for it (and anyone who might do that) will live to regret it! These days, it’s an important matter!
What factors contribute to a happy marriage to a narcissist?
A successful union with a narcissist is impossible. Narcissists are unable to have a true marriage since it needs honesty in Integrity, mutuality, support, and love. Think about these essential and fundamental components of marriage:
Integrity and Truth
Being in a relationship with a narcissist is based entirely on deception because you will always be lied to, gaslighted, and used as a tool of manipulation. You will be loved bombed and manipulated throughout the relationship. Denial and misinformation will never stop. The narcissist will frequently project their flaws or misdeeds onto their partner; for example, they may tell you that you lack humor, are overly sensitive, may be unstable, are insane, etc., when in reality, the narcissist thinks these things about themselves. The dishonesty and denial are illogical; there can be no trust or truth in this situation. The very self of a narcissist is phony.
A narcissist typically enters into a marriage to exert control and power over the other party rather than to have the chance to love and be loved in an exclusive, committed relationship that is loving and supportive of both parties. In fact, narcissists will make efforts to disparage you in order to boost their own ego. For the narcissist’s behavior, there will be one set of rules (or no standards at all), and numerous unending, impossibly high expectations and rules for you. The narcissist is likely to commit adultery. The narcissist may engage in ruthless competition with you and take every precaution to thwart your attempts to work, sleep, be a productive adult, parent, etc. Nothing is reciprocal. However, marriage makes it more difficult to leave, and the narcissist is aware of this.
Narcissists are incapable of helping or “being there” for others. Watch for the narcissist to practically vanish when things become rough, be unable to make it to the doctor’s appointment, be unavailable to wipe a sweaty forehead in the middle of the night, be unable to empathize after a loss, and be unwilling to offer encouragement or tenderness (unless it gets them something, immediately).
Narcissists are incapable of putting the needs of others above their own. They are entitled, always justifying what they want, and unable to think about what is best for others. Narcissists are unable to imagine a society in which other people are valued equally to themselves. You are not loved if you are not truly and intrinsically treasured. Narcissists lack this ability and shy away from any meaningful relationships (narcissists cannot be vulnerable to another, having suffered a wounding abandonment that forever cripples them).
They are unable to be open and genuinely loving; all they can muster is a flimsy, inadequate counterfeit, which is finally exposed for the ruse that it is. Narcissists are not the right kind of spouse for a lasting, loving attachment like a healthy marriage. This deficit manifests as a failure to manage a child in a healthy way, maintain meaningful friendships over the long term, or even consistently take care of oneself (most narcissists engage in damaging or dangerous abuses of substances, have addictions, engage in recklessness, or exhibit other behaviors that betray their self-loathing at a deep level).