“Why don’t narcissists say goodbye?” might be a question that you have so long sought the answer to. They do not say goodbye because they need a constant supply to feed their Narcissistic needs. So they will keep “victims” hanging to make sure they will always be able to get a supply from somewhere.
Much like an alcoholic will stash away their alcohol in different places, the Narcissist will also always have a backup supply just in case their main source gets tired of supplying their needs. They won’t let you go because they want to keep you hanging in the balance and leave a small opening for them to slip through later if they think they can win you back with another lie. They do this in case the supply or lack of supply in the future makes it necessary for them to later objectify you.
See also: Narcissist spending habits
5 Reasons why narcissists don’t say goodbye
- A proper farewell would involve attending to your needs and feelings
Some narcissists might not even be giving a discard any thought. They might perhaps be indifferent. They dislike you and regard you as being of no more use. Therefore, they want to discard you as quickly as possible. They don’t care if you’re furious, angry, disappointed, full of false optimism, etc. They are unable to sense it and are just concerned with their own feelings.
- Goodbyes provide answers and closure
Similar to the previous point, saying goodbye not only signifies an end or the beginning of a new chapter, but it also provides emotional closure. Giving honest explanations for why the relationship will no longer work is a standard courtesy in breakups.”I’m not in love anymore,” “We don’t have the same goals,” etc. That decency will not be shown by a narcissist. Wishful thinking could keep you permanently “in love” (addicted, trauma-bonded, and obsessed) with the narcissist if you don’t get any closure or answers. attempting to win them back by saying anything, doing anything, or even just brooding ceaselessly. Additionally, you will be left wondering what the hell went wrong with the relationship—or, more likely, you—while you are just sitting there. Many people will begin to blame themselves rather than their ideal “soulmate” if there are no solutions or closure.
- A farewell is a farewell
For a narcissist, saying farewell would be too definitive. If they rejected you but later realized they could use you, they would return. Saying goodbye allows you to give up hope that the two of you will ever get back together. For you to begin a new beginning would be an ending. A narcissist does not want you to start over, and if you do, they will not be pleased. They’ll probably find a way to resurface in your life at a time when you’ll be useful.
See also: Who does a narcissist marry?
- Not saying goodbye keeps you in a downward spiral
This can make you seriously question your abilities. To understand why you are unworthy, undesirable, and unlovable to them, you may start to discover facts about yourself or attempt to interpret what they said. That can easily be applied to one’s entire life. If that response appears insurmountable, it could keep you feeling powerless. The biggest understanding you may have as a victim is that this is a lie intended to undermine your sense of worth. You might need to work on some things and heal some wounds, but you are still intrinsically deserving and loveable.
A narcissist gains a lot from living in constant turmoil. If you are weak, have low self-esteem or confidence, or are in agony, it prevents you from surpassing them. It provides them total dominance and control. It completely moves the responsibility onto your shoulders and negates any potential embarrassment for them. It chastises you for “deceiving them” into a messed-up fairytale romance.
- Not saying goodbye makes them feel more valuable
You are regarded as either worthless or an adversary after being cast aside. You add value by acting as a trashcan for all the narcissists’ negative feelings. It’s a means for them to transfer to you all of their feelings of inadequacy, shame, and failure. Most importantly, the fact that you’re a mess is excellent evidence of the narcissist’s value, importance, and attractiveness. In a way, it’s both vengeances for all the “damage” done to them and an effective way for the narcissist to soothe their ego and feeling of self-worth if they can leave a trail of emotional wrecks in their wake who are pleading for the narcissist’s affection, whom they are “rejecting.”